(L: David Lee Roth, the year I was born. R: The David Lee Roth photo I identify with most.)
Do you want to know why I'm writing this? Why I started posting photos of David Lee Roth every Wednesday on, why I bought five Van Halen albums in one Saturday sometime last month, why I'm wearing a Van Halen shirt right now and why I was wearing another Van Halen shirt yesterday? Why I own two Van Halen shirts and listen to Van Halen, like, all the goddamn time nowadays? Do you wanna know?
It's because of a dude, this dude I dated. He loved Van Halen. "Van Halen with David," he qualified, on our second date. Who the hell calls David Lee Roth "David"? You call him "Dave," or "Diamond Dave," or you call him by his full name. But not this dude, apparently. I thought he was a good dude but turns out he's kind of a sleazebag, with a real sour heart. I felt so duped! So I moped for five days, or maybe just five hours. "Motherfucker, you will not take 'Jump' away from me" is something I wrote in my notebook, cuz I'm so stupid-dramatical sometimes. And also because I mean it: I've loved "Jump" since I was six-years-old, and I'll be a monkey's uncle if I'm gonna let some sourhearted sleazebag ruin it for me.

So with no real recourse for revenge, I decided all there was to do was steal the dude's favorite band, love them harder and hotter than he ever could. Evil, right? Almost as rotten as blowing up his hot car, but without the mess and the threat of jail time. I bought all the records, excepting the one I already owned, told myself I'd listen till I loved them all to death.

And then I loved them right away. Which not only cured me of sourhearted-sleazebag disease but also made me better at life than ever before - God, I'm so good at therapy! I should totally think about a career in positive psychology. Or maybe game-show hosting?

10. "And The Cradle Will Rock..."
9. "Secrets"
8. "Hot For Teacher"
7. "Everybody Wants Some!!"
6. "Ain't Talkin' 'Bout Love"
5. "Little Guitars"
4. "Unchained"
3. "I'm the One"
2. "Panama"
1. "Jump"